piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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