Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
