Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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