I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
