I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
