I wish my penis had an off switch
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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