She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
