Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
