I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
