Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
