That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
