Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
