While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's get the cat blown out
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
