I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
