And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
