She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
