i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
