Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
