They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
