Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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