i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
