Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
