the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
