New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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