please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drunk is a universal language darling
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
