Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Houston, we have a blender
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
