The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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