I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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