living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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