Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
