You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
