I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
