i would punch a child for taco bell
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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