I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
