His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
