plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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