Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
