I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
worst night to have a conscience
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
