xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
