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He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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