Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
