**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
