You made me cry and you don't even care
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
