he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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