Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Actions speak louder than pants.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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