Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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