how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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