Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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