dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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