i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
